We can't have it all or can we?

With international woman's day looming around the corner, you get the usual doses of features on great women in magazines, newspaper etc. Nothing much has changed in the past decade. There are still talk about women juggling between their careers and being mothers.

I was a career woman, then I was both a career woman and mother, and now I am a full time mother. This I suppose lends me some credentials for the purpose of this topic discussion.

Honestly I do not see what is so complicated about this matter. You either are a full time career woman cum part time mother or no career woman cum full time mother. It is your choice at the end of the day and what is the big deal about it?

What irks me the most are those who make the decisions but at the same time guilt-ridden. The guilt ridden part is understandable, but it pisses me off when the guilt is manifested into anger/jealousy targeted at 3rd party. Hmmnn... perhaps one day when Eddie grows up and pisses me off I will say something like, "I've sacrificed those years of my life not working just so that I could look after you!!!" Well that won't work because Sig.Ot will surely butt in and say something like, "Yes Eddie, those years of your mother not working, she was going for massages and holidays etc."

Well for most women who choose full time career, someone else will need to stand in to look after the children. The luckiest ones would have their parents or in laws to help look after their children. If that is not possible, domestic helpers are the next most popular option or maybe nurseries?

Of course even if there is a domestic helper, most mothers on their off days will take over all the looking after of the baby. This is a chance to bond with the babies. After all on weekdays, you probably won't get to see your baby because when you are off to work, baby might still be asleep and when you get home, baby is already asleep!

There are also mothers who refuse to let the helpers get emotionally close to their children. This is the part that I do not get. When you have another person working and living in your home, it is not similar to an office job whereby when you walk out of the building you could separate work from your personal life. When someone else lives in your home and look after your children, it is definitely more than just professional work relationship. There are definitely emotions involved. So if there is even the slightest doubt or mistrust towards your maid, do not hire her at all, or fire her now.

Some women who may be feeling a little bit guilty for not being able to spend as much time as they would like with their children, may feel a little bit resentful towards the other woman who gets to i.e. maid. This guilt sometimes lead to jealousy and possessiveness. So it is very bizarre how on weekdays, the maid may be playing the main caretaker role and when the mistress of the house comes home, the maid tiptoes around the house and pretend that there is no relationship going on with the poor confused children. The most extreme case which I have heard is that the helper is not allowed to appear in ANY photograph with the baby! Obviously the mother does not want the child to have any memory of the maid. Or when a 5 months old baby started babbling mama in the direction of the maid, the mother got jealous, suspecting that the maid had been teaching baby to call her (maid) mama.

N.B. Babies do not know the meaning of mama until much much later. Eddie used to call everybody including our family dog "mama" as well at that age.

My maid Juvy loves Eddie to bits, and Eddie loves her in return. The way I look at it is we are all so blessed to have so many people loving Eddie. There is never too much love to go around, don't you think?