Well Meaning Aunties and the 101 Don'ts

2 male colleagues of mine have recently gone through the post natal confinement ritual with their respective spouses. Each day, they recounted their stressful tales of conflicting advises from both their own parents and in-laws. It is made worse when each parent has his/her own opinion on simple matter such as whether you should feed the baby while watching telly. We are talking about the opinions from at least 7 different people; MIL, FIL, own mother, own father, spouse, yourself and confinement lady.

I consider myself a practical person, and stubborn to a certain degree. When I was first pregnant, I refused to attend pre-natal classes despite my doctor's insistence. So I decided to lie to my doctor about it by getting a cheat sheet (basics about birth) from a friend of mine who was attending the class. Of course my hubby wasn't smart about it by asking doctor basic question such as what's Braxton Hicks (these are the usual tell-tale signs that you haven't been to the class!).

Instead of reading and listening to lots of different advises, I stuck to only one book "What to Expect" and Babycenter.com.

It annoyed me greatly when people judged me based on what I ate and drank. I consumed coffee every morning, occasional sashimi at reputable Jap of course, glass of Christmas champagne and oysters. At the same time, I also eat 3 servings of fruits every morning before lunch time, and a glass of warm milk before bed every night. My point is everything should be in moderation. If you listen to what everyone tells you, there is nothing you can eat!

Yes, I hate to be told what to do especially when one cannot justify or provide any concrete reasonings (I am not even talking about scientific proofs)!

I thought that being at home with a confinement aunty should be less stressful considering that my mom is at work and my dad is cool bout most things. The other plus points are my hubby being Caucasian and my parents in law are in Wales.

Just as my blog title suggests, everyone means well. However there is a breaking point when you have different people telling you different things. The Chinese has got a thing about "wind" being linked to rheumatism. My mom tells me not to use the air-con and use the fan instead. My aunt from next door turned up and told me off for sitting under the ceiling fan. Do you know that average daytime temperature is about 33degrees C!!!

Next thing is about my diet. Traditional Chinese confinement food consists lots of ginger, sesame seed oil and meat. I don't mind the food at all, but the only problem is you are not allowed many varieties of vegetables and fruits. Common vegetables would be kailan and french beans which I like until this aunt said that too much kailan will cause wind too. I was like bleah!!!!!!!!!

Then there is this debate about fruits. My confinement aunty could understand the importance of fruits and we both agreed that I should not be eating oranges as it agitates my throat. As for all other fruits (save for mango and durian), I should be eating at least 2 servings per day. My mom called me this morning and asked me if I have eaten papaya (as someone told her that it causes wind too). Instead of getting into a debate with her, I just said no. It turned out that our house maid has ratted on me, unintentionally of course.

Each time when I try to reason with my mother, she asked me if I have heard about this family doctor friend who is apparently suffering from some severe joint pain. My mother attributed it to her not abiding to the Chinese post-natal confinement rules. Of course it has nothing to do with any other reasons.

I am not being a total rebel, there are other things that I am abiding by. For instance, I am not drinking plain water. Surprise surprise, there is wind in water too. Also it did not bother me as much as I thought it would be as I like the special tea the confinement aunty brews for me everyday.

Secondly, I am not showering. Wait wait, I am sponging 3 times a day! The only reason why I haven't broken this #1 golden rule is because of my c-section incision. But I have discovered a sponging method which leaves me feeling as good as a bath! As for hairwashing, that goes without saying. Even if I have stitches in my head, I would still immerse my head in water!

So what do I do?

• Rule #1 Do not get into debates about things you could get away with.
• Rule #2 Do things that you can tolerate with e.g. not drinking plain water which I never thought was possible.
• Rule #3 Remind yourself that everyone means well and have the best of intentions, eventhough at the back of your mind you constantly wonder if they are trying to make you suffer the same way they were made to.